Thursday Confessional...

I keep myself humble most of the time. It's typically not on purpose. I seem to be a bit on the accident prone side of the fence. My friends have often said that if we ever do anything even remotely dangerous, as long as I am present, they are safe. I will always be the one to get hurt in some sort of a fluke chance. I am the unsuspecting helmet/shield/kevlar vest that is walking beside you.

This is my life. A fair bit Some of it is brought on myself though.

And so here's my confession for this week: I burnt my mouth.

I burnt my mouth in such a way that even a mentally undeveloped Spider Monkey would point and laugh at me for my un-advanced choices in life. I burnt my mouth so badly that the skin on my lips has already sloughed off in such a way that each bite or drink I take reminds me of my own cranial negligence. I burnt my mouth.

The Evidence:
Fork Burn

The Accomplices:

No...I know what you're thinking. I DID NOT burn my mouth on a hot marshmallow. I'm smarter and dumber than that. Here's what happened:

*Boy has craving for S'mores.
*Boy goes to kitchen and locates required materials.
*Boy weighs pros and cons of microwave vs. camp stove.
*Boy grabs fork to toast marshmallow for maximum flavor.
*Boy toasts perfect marshmallow and salivates.
*Boy must have one toasted marshmallow before S'more.
*Boy tests marshmallow temperature with fingers.
*Boy pulls marshmallow off of fork with mouth.
*Boy quickly realizes he did not test fork temperature.

You can actually see 4 individual burns on my lips from the hot fork tines.

This is my life.

Now that I've put myself out there...I need you to do the same. Please post some sort of confession on your blog for all the world to read. Once you've done that, add your blog link to the Mr. Linkys Box below and we'll all laugh at each other. Do it.

26 waggish utterances thus far...:

puddleboy said...

I couldn't resist, the first slot was open!

kribss said...

do you have a gas stove? thats how i make my smores when a campfire isnt around.

melanie said...

OHhh, Ryan! I'm so sorry! It makes me sad just to see it and no, it's not funny and I won't point. (That's the mom in me)

After you're all healed and pain-free, I may find the humor in it. (Because that's the friend in me)

Annie said...

I do this sort of thing all the time.

I misjudge things, or am just really clumsy.

Sorry about the burn.

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh! That is some major burnage! However, now I think you will always win the title of I Burned My Lips Way Worse Than Yours. Go put some ice on those suckers! (ha ha... suckers.)

Ryan Detzel said...

Originally posted by laufaloo, accidentally deleted by yours truly:

I don't have a blog, but I will share, my sister and I got into a lot of predicaments, with me as the instigator:
My sister and I were mixing some dough for cookies. My sister didn't think to get a spatula to scrape down the sides of the bowl, but used her fingers. Well they got caught in the hand-held mixer.
Another time, we had accidentally broken a china cup and we were going to super-glue it. I told my sister to just bite the lid off. When she did this, she got glue on her teeth and they stuck together. Because my Mom would be home within moments of our accident, I grabbed a butter knife and started scraping and prying her mouth open. She was crying because of the situation (no pain occured), but I couldn't stop laughing. We didn't get caught, but couldn't stop giggling the rest of the night.
We were teenagers when all this occured, we have learned our lessons!!

lmerie said...


Mine did not result in physical injury, but it was pretttty dumb considering I knew, in the deep recesses of my brain, that the knob was messed up - as in the post, my kids have shut each other in there and I have rescued them!

Hope your lip heals quickly!

moncheoPR said...

OMG I am so sorry and feel your pain...

But I am LMAO @ the marks on your lips. LOL!!

Feel better soon!

Erin said...

OWWW! I've burned the roof of my mouth a few times...mainly with pizza. Misjudging how hot the cheese is until it's too late...I've had a few blisters right where the roof of my mouth meets the back of my teeth. Such an annoying feeling once the pain fades.

YT said...

I don't have a blog, but last night when I was draining the grease off the ground beef I was cooking, I burned my hand on the cast iron pan and then ran my burn under the scalding hot water I was using to wash the grease down the drain. After I cursed my own stupidity, I did the same thing again. So yeah, I feel your pain!

Anonymous said...

Ouch. Ouchouchouch. I hurt when I see the first picture.
But once I get over that, that burn looks pretty cool with the four different lines...
I guess I'm still teenager enough to find stuff like that cool. xP

To share my bit of self-induced dumb pain:
If you cut a deep V into your index finger and your mom gets some gauze for you, don't attempt to show her what you did on your middle finger. At least not with the same knife.
I have two really interesting, matching scars now, though.

Shell said...

I once Burnt myself with a microwaved skittle. I touched the soft little candy. And the inside was kinda like molten lava.

My sister had stuck the bag of my candy in the freezer to be funny, and Didn't want to wait for them warm up. So I tested one in The microwave.

I am so very sorry you burned your mouth. Hope you feel better soon.

Kimberly said...

I burn the inside of my mouth on hot food misjudging its temperature.

I'm not really an accident prone person.

I have had accidents though, not caused by me, except a few times falling down the stairs. It's a long story. If anyone wants to know I'll share! LOL

Andrea said...

The broiler totally works just as well as a flame for marshmallows. Put some foil on a baking sheet, spray it with cooking spray, drop some marshmallows on it, and stand by the broiler (on high, of course) until it browns, then use a spatula to roll them over and get the other side. They are completely awesome.

online said...

Reverb guy,

You need aloe vera juice. You can get it in the health food section of the store, probably by vitamins & supplements. I burned my throat once on hot tea and it helped a lot. Just pour it on there.


Anonymous said...

Oh, there are so many. I limited it to auto related accidents within 10 feet of my home. : )

Holly said...

I hope your lovely wife will kiss your boo-boo and make it all better. Hopefully that won't be too painful of an experience!

Mandi (a.k.a MissMandiGirl) said...

Ouchie :-( I'm. very. sorry.

kari said...

Hi there! Got onto your blog from The Pioneer Woman. :] I don't have a blog, but a wealth of klutzy, stupidity stories, but the one that I recall best is this: Came home from school, ran up the steps to my front porch and knocked to be let in. No one was home, so I was like "okay, I'll have to go to the back yard and get the key!"
Now, the front porch was about 4.5 feet high at the top where I was, and on the side by the driveway, instead of a railing, there was a row of shrubs that stuck up about 2feet above the porch. The icredible stupidity that was youth talking said "Ok, I'll just hop over the shrubs to the driveway!"
Can you say disaster? I only had 2 feet of running room, so my left foot made it over, but the shrubs caught my right foot and I feel over 6 ft onto asphalt...and my left knee cap hitting the asphalt was what stopped my fall. :/
I laid on the driveway, clutching my knee, waiting to pass out or something, the pain was THAT BAD! I noticed that cars drove by, but no one stopped. I got up about 10 minutes later and hobbled into my house. Never told my Mother until a friend ratted me out later that night. No hospital, but I crushed the top of the knee cap. I could press on it for month after and feel the bone crunching, and to this day, I have a dollar sized flat spot on top of my knee cap!

Bonnie said...

When I was first starting to date my husband he came to my office. I felt so cool in my business attire and was walking out of my cubicle when I tripped on his dufflebag and fell flat on my face.

Nice.. I'm sure he thought "Wow, I want to marry her."

traci said...

this is sad. on my first visit to Bed, Bath & Beyond, mega-church of domesticated people, i found one of those clamp-looking gizmos you can get to seal bags of chips(or whatever it is that healthy people eat). i wanted to know how it worked so i picked it up and clamped it down on my thumb.
as it turns out its a combined effort of:
a) a razor
b) glue
c) a lot of heat
that sort of thing is supposed to happen to brunettes...

Shelli said...

LOL!! I just wanted to thank you for a quick laugh at your expense, DH and I laugh we are glad we named our daughter Grace because that is the only grace the child has!! So I relate!!! Thanks again and I hope you lip gets better!!!

DanThoms said...

Being the awesome bachelor that I am I was eating hot pizza, shirtless, in my bed, while watching tv. I know, it sounds like a great plan right. Problem is a bit of cheese slid off the pizza and onto my chest. I quickly scraped it off and ate it but not before it gave be quite the little burn. I was scared for over a year.

Kerry said...

Awww... that looks painful!

I don't have a blog, but willing to share my story... it wasn't really my fault, but I have the same kinda luck....!

I got hit in the leg with a kidding! My coach didn't notice me on the field retrieving and told the next kid to throw. I saw it coming towards me and jumped and I thought it missed me completely. I was ok and walking off of the field until I felt a tickle on my ankle. I reached down to scratch it and felt wet...there was blood on my hand, when I realized this I lost all feeling in BOTH my legs, my coach had to carry me up the hill to the trainers station! I'm such a weenie! It was a small trickle of blood. But yeah I had to go to the ER, get a cortisone shot in my calf and stitches. I have a dime size/shaped scar to prove my stupid story! Oh yeah and the jokes in my yearbook too, pincushion, jav catcher...

Adrianna said...

i did this exact same thing about 3 years ago over the gas stove in my apartment. it was so predictable and stupid that i had a giggle fit every time i looked in the mirror. at least we aren't alone in this!

Sandy said...

I just did this today...please tell me it healed and looks normal now.