The Death of my Asian friend...

Japanese Maple Tree

For as long as I can remember the Japanese Maple has been my favorite tree. Mind you, I didn't always know what that bright red, Bonsai-looking tree was called, but it's always been my favorite.

About 3 years ago I set out to purchase a Red Dragon Japanese Maple. Turns out...they're expensive as snot. And so I waited, and waited, and coveted, and waited until a good deal found me. I picked up a beautiful medium-sized [maybe 3 ft. tall] Red Dragon for about $65. This was a steal considering all the nurseries around here wanted upwards of $250 for the same tree.

That would have been the happy ending to my fairytale love affair with the Acer Palmatum...it's not a happy ending though. My tree has been ravaged. I'm not talking about a branch or two. I mean this thing has been decimated.

Here's what I woke up to this morning:
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My poor little Maple tree has been murdered. Not only has it been broken in half by some beastly creature, it's limbs have been pulled apart.

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I would typically blame the dogs for something like this, as they have done their fair share of ruining my plants and flowers, but this was too big a job for either of them. This took some serious force. Even Harlan, who is approx. 45 lbs running around the house full speed wouldn't have done this at a full collision.

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I've got two theories as to what could have happened. Wanna hear them? Okay good.

Theory #1 - Some Church-Goer who didn't appreciate my recent message on Community and Building Relationships took out their anger on my little red buddy. This is possible...although not probable. If it were me, I would have slit my tires.

Theory #2 - The Garden did it.

Allow me to explain theory #2. We have a garden at our house.

See figure A.:
Vegetable Garden

The above, said garden is doing quite well...which is exactly why I think it victimized my tree. Not enough evidence? Allow me to continue!

Our garden is filled with hair. Carrie cuts hair on the side and each and every individual who gets a trim around here ends up in our garden...well, at least their hair does. You see, our garden is completely Organic. Rather than spray something on our garden to keep the Deer away, we have opted for more natural methods. Enter hair.

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Now I'll be darned if it doesn't work and work well. We don't have any problems with Deer eating our stuff. Hair has been proven to keep them away...it really works!

Check out figures B., C., and D. for more evidence:

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Lettuce Be

Hot Banana Pepper

The proof is in the pudding...or in this case, it's in the vegetables. The deer aren't able to have their way with our tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, squash, beans, corn, etc.., and they're pee-ohed.

As retribution, Bambi's brother Rocco has taken the life of someone close to me. If you've ever seen what a deer can do to a tree with it's antlers, you'd agree with me that the marks are very similar. I have no clue why a male deer would want to come up to the smallest tree in my yard and completely molest it, but I'm not a deer and so I'm unable to answer that question.

All I know is that Little Red will be missed.

7 waggish utterances thus far...:

melanie said...

I'm going to have to disagree with you.
Hair does not keep deer away. Neither does human pee or even poo. At least not in HVL. Our deer are used to human scents.

And since I'm getting warmed up disagreeing, Rocco did not, in my humble opinion, molest your tree. He probably would have gone after the leaves if anything on a japanese maple.

I'm sounding all argumentative. I probably should stop now. I'm very sorry about your friend though. I'm trying to bring ours back to life since they do cost more than a child...

melanie said...

Wow, I sounded horrible. Sorry.

I see now that you mean that Rocco did the damage with his antlers. ohhhhh. I get it.

DanThoms said...

I think that melanie did it. She told me that she hated your message on Sunday and was going to "make you pay for you community building ways." I didn't believe her but at first but I guess she followed through and killed your tree.

Allison said...

Dan, I think you're on to something...that was one of my theories as well- and after seeing melanie's comment, I think you've tracked down the culprit. I'm going to lift fingerprints off one of her glasses tonight and see if we have a match.

melanie said...

I'm not coming tonight...

Steve said...

Tonight on CSI: White Oak - Melanie did it.

BFOP said...

There is still a little chance for the little guy. Considering their price it might be worth it. Just trim it right below the damage and it should grow back. They are very (I mean very) slow growers, but it will eventually come back. And if all else fails, make a friend at a local garden center and see if he/she can get you a deal :)