Essential Survival Kit...

Whilst happening upon the pages of an interesting read today, it dawned on me that I do not in fact have an Essential Survival Kit put together at this point in my life. This is a troubling observation of self that needs resolve. I feel an urgency to remedy this discovery. Drafted below are my plans.



I shall start with an Altoids can as this is the only feasible containment unit for such a kit as this.

Inside my Essential Survival Kit will live 10 crucial items:

#1. Swiss Army Knife.


This knife could be used for removing splinters, picking locks, and opening bottles of wine. I hear it might be capable of cutting things too.

#2. Compass.


This compass will show me where North is because I sure don't know where the hell it is.

#3. Handkerchief.


I'll have a handkerchief because you can blow your nose with it or filter boiled coffee in the wilderness. Hopefully not in that order.

#4. Box of Matches.


These matches will be used for fire. Duh. Also, if I dip the tips of them in wax they will be waterproof.

#5. Needle and Thread.


I can use this needle and thread combo for fishing up some dinner or sewing my leg closed after a bear mauling.

#6. Pencil and Paper.


If I see a crime and need to write down the detail of the perpetrator or simply need to draft an emergency shopping list...pencil and paper will be there for me.

#7. Small LED Flashlight.


This flashlight can be used for gathering firewood at night, map reading, or blinding some dirtbag you don't like.

#8. Magnifying Glass.


It can be used to read my tiny bible, start a fire with if matches are demonized, or terrorize ants.

#9. Band-Aids.


These are probably completely unnecessary, but you never know. Someone could stab you while you aren't looking.

#10. Fishhooks.


If my thread is strong enough and I can find a worm, I can make dinner happen. That, or at least you've got the "J" in any alphabet games that arise.

I'll be ready for anything soon. I hope you take the same steps toward survival that I'm taking. It's not worth dying over.

5 waggish utterances thus far...:

DanThoms said...

That must be some huge altoids can. I actually have one of those tiny bibles. I also have what was previously considered the worlds smallest Bible. The entire Bible on a piece of film the size of a postage stamp.

Helen Ann said...

Don't forget some Tampax....

Oh, wait...nevermind.

melanie said...

Oh, Helen Ann, hilarious!
And Ryan, no way, no stinkin' possible way are you going to fit all that into an Altoids box. A cigar box, yes. Altoids box, no.

melanie said...

oh yeah
whilst???

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